Cloning Attempt Leads to Misery, Dispair. May 17, 2008
Posted by Leah in I'm at work right now.trackback
Saturday, May 17– General Peter S. Mastersonn, owner of “Pookie“, came into trouble yesterday with the Coalition Against Cloning of Animals, when he cloned over a dozen dogs to serve as genetic matches for his dog as “Organ-replacement dogs”. This high-profile case marks a growing fad among military personnel, especially high-ranking military officials, of using all resources possible, even government resources for saving their own personal man’s best friend.
The representative for CACA stated “This whole thing is like, ridiculous, man. I mean, what kind of person would clone a bunch of animals to like, save one animal?” The representative who wished to be named only as “the masked protector” revealed later in the interview that he “doesn’t even like animals” and that his involvement in CACA is purely “to tear down the imperialistic structure that man has created for itself” and “for the chicks”.
When General Mastersonn was asked to comment, he said “I don’t know why I did it, I just know that I love my dog,” and said about the affair “[my wife and I] just don’t know what to do, we are devastated. I had no idea that animal cloning was unethical. The whole ordeal came as a bit of a surprise”
When asked why he decided to clone so many dogs, Mastersonn replied “Just to be safe”. This case marks the largest cloning operation ever for a single individual, human or otherwise.
Think that cloning a replacement for your dog might be in order? Slow down. Researchers have shown that cloned animals have a much shorter life expectancy than their natural born cousins, some explanations have been linked to many of these dogs being used as organs for other dogs.
What kind of crazy-ridiculous thing to say is “I had no idea that [whatever I just did] was unethical.”? If someone had told him, beforehand, “Dude, that’s unethical. That means it’s bad, man,” would he have stepped back and just not done it?
I should have warned maybe beforehand, that this was a spoof article I wrote while at work. Though it might be real in theory–this story is def. not real in practice.